if you grab some devil's club

Sit tight, the burning will subside in fifteen minutes or so. (Almost subside. What's left is probably just these little embedded slivers. (until they reach my heart at which point I become a clubwraith under their control of course))

please tell me Peeps has a biologically unreliable narrator

because in the first twenty pages we have

• instant-acting pills. Vampires have fast metabolisms, okay stipulated, but do they have pill-triturating gizzards?
  
• bats eating carrion. BATS AREN'T BUGS.
  
• trematodes identified as fish. wtf.
  

And I'd let this all go, but the narrator says he's a bio major. Please tell me there's some plot reason, that the parasite has eaten the bio lobes of his brain for its own purposes.